Looking for Angels : Live Free or Let Me Die
by wynter666
Summary: "This World's so cold ...this world's so cold", whispered Bella as she picked up the ice-cold revolver in her gloved hand , the chill of it evident to her skin even through the thick material. "A world where only some will go..." , her voice didn't so much as tremble as she pointed the gun straight ahead. "Stay wide awake."
1. Chapter 1

"Dad , no stop , you-...!", I was cut off by a searing slap across my face and as I was trying to regain my balance , ignoring the fastly emerging tears Charlie's other hand roughly tugged at my button-up jacket . He was really pissed off now – I stopped putting up a fight a long time ago . My hands clawed at his calussed fingers clumsily , and he shoved us forcefully into the kitchen counter . My lower back exploded with pain , my knees going only momentarily weak – but that was all he needed to gain advantage – a moment . I was really letting it rip now , screaming my throat raw , eventhough I knew it was no use . Our closest neighbours lived over a mile down the lonely , winding road which was conveniently right smack in the middle of a dense , enigmatic forest . And tonight's mystery was a young girl's rape – or in short ; me . Rivulets of moisture wound their way down my face and snot bubbled out my sore nose everytime I exhaled .

Charlie forced me down on the frozen , tiled floor . I couldn't help but recoil , to Charlie's amusement . His strong , muscular chest was now crushing my narrow , fragile one and each breath felt like knives in my exhausted lungs . His chuckling was the background music to my pain , I hated him now more than ever and could almost feel my blood starting to simmer with fury . Fury and pain ...everything was mixed with pain now , for as long as I can remember it was my faithful companion , my saviour and my captor . It distracted me from the horror of what was currently happening and made it difficult to remember his other...infractions , because all those horrid memories were clouded with a thick fog of searing torturous pain , it was what lingered in my mind the most and therefore pushed out all the ...details out of my broken mind . And I was so greatful for it.

I could feel the hysteria rising in the pit of my stomach and as I trashed , kicked and fought with all the little strength I possessed I could already feel the shaking start . It began in my upper arms and radiated downwards , carrying every last bit of fear with it.

He grinned widely , showing off his perfectly straight teeth and accenting his large , wolf-like eyes. A mad-man in disguise.

Charlie's strong , meaty palms ripped off my lovely , pristine jacket all down the front and cast the scraps of material aside , exposing my dark woollen sweater and a patchwork-like expanse of soft flesh just above the wide neckline ; the originally rosey skin was alive , painted in yellows and greens – getting even darker as the bruises proceeded downwards towards my pert breasts . A testament of Charlie's weekly escapades .

I tried to shrug him off , trashing my whole body left to right in order to shake his 40-year old self off of me . It was no use . He had at least 80 pounds on me . I flailed my arms about , aiming for his eyes with my thumbs but he just chuckled menacingly and grabbed both of my chicken arms in the one of his , all the while groping my breasts with his other ; left hand .

I was full-out crying now , hiccupping and stuttering my way through this ordeal from hell . Both my legs were trapped underneath his and so I was left incapacitated and powerless as my own father took advantage of my body . I heard a rip and willed my heavy lids open only to apraise a large whole appear in my favourite sweater , a hole through which two snowy globes were visible . Already pink-tinted and swollen with the abuse they received form my attacker over my clothes .

As I caught the crazed twinkle in his wolven eyes I let my own lids fall shut.

A sharp slap across my right cheek shocked a jagged scream out of my pounding heart and my eyes fluttered open just to see Charlie's large head floating over mine . "tss-tss" , he admonished my apparent mis-behaviour . "You know the rules" , he whispered in a husky voice as both his hands traversed the distance from my hips and into my hair , sliding his hands over my flat tummy , bra-clad breasts and long , almost swan-like neck . His lips curled back over his teeth and with half-lidded eyes he skimmed the right side of my neck with his nose , inhaling deeply . He moaned deep in his throat and I suppressed the urge to scream and spit in his face . His finger trailed my lower lip , capturing it between hit thumb and forefinger , gently pinching until a droplet of blood emerged from the delicate flesh . He then proceeded to tenderly lick it off , his tongue darting out and capturing the tiny droplet of gore in a quick swipe-like gesture.

I squeezed my eyes shut again , grimacing from the sharpness of the pain and shuddering. This is always the worst part ; when he's gentle there is no pain to suppress the bad memories later...lucky for me it usually doesn't last long , but the anticipation of the snap is almost worse than the act itself ; I wish he'd just get it over with . But no , heaven forbid Charlie gets his rocks off quickly . He knows how torturous this is for me and well , he gets off on that too .

Slap "Aaahh" , I hissed and turned my head sideways to get tile-on-skin contact to dull the sting of the fatherly abuse . Slap "Open you fucking-" , and another one "eyes!" . I did as I was told and his expression stunned me into complete stillness as fear enveloped my heart and chilled the blood running in my veins. He looked murderous , and for the first time in all my life I actually felt genuinely scared for my life . His pupils were so dilated no chocoalte brown was visible at all . It's like his eyes suddenly became a window into his soul ; there was only blackness , an empty void .

"That's my sweet little girl" he crooned into my ear , his nose trailing abstract patterns under my ear – making me shiver in disgust .

Tears filled my eyes and spilled over the rims . A hollowness entered my heart , a hopeless fear and despair so strong it felt like absolutely nothing. Nothing- I was dead inside . Momentarily disensythized . As salty tears coated my flushed cheeks Charlie decided to take his fun further and his right arm started inching lower , and lower : over and under my ripped sweater , mauling and raping my sensitive buds into stiffness . I couldn't help but cry out , the delicate flesh was so sensitive – electrified with fear mixed in with the anticipation of pain . He seemed to enjoy my cries and pinched harder , more forcefully . I started trashing and shaking again – for gods sakes , I just couldn't help it ,he's gotten me broken . Cracked and destroyed for all to see. And so I cried , hiccupiing all the way .

His tongue darted out and slid over my delicate earlobe , capturing the dangling piece of flesh into his mough and gently tugging . I gritted my teeth and tried to drift away – fall into some other dimention , into a diferent world where pain and rape and fathers didn't exist , but when his left hand pressed into my lower back and ground my pelvis into his excitement I lost all control over my mind and consequently , over my mouth . "No, stop you fucking bastard!" , I yelled and screamed at his face which was still nestled into my neck "I'm your fucking daughter you sick prick ! Get your filthy claws off of me you fucking Dick!" . The outburst shocked him and I took full advantage , shoving him off of me and springing up on my feet , immediately jumping behind the kitchen counter and starting for the back kitchen door .I was breathing hard and fast , panicking . There was no time to lose. I had just grabbed hold of the door handle when two muscular arms grabbed my waist and slid lower so that his palms were fisted just over my crotch , groping and sliding back and forth with rough , jerky and increasingly painful movements . He momentarily took away one hand but increased the pressure on the other one and I was hard-pressed not to collapse with the jagged pain – if it weren't for Charlie's arm holding me up I would've surely collapsed. A blindingly painful rip at my scalp made the location of his other hand clear and his face reappeared an inch from mine – I couldn't see what expression he was wearing so close to me but his eyes looked like two storm-ridden pools of oil , don't ask me how that's possible , it just was. His brows so scrunched down his eyes were only dark slits . No words were needed , I knew what he was thinking : you're gonna regret it .

As my eyes shut again , unwilling to see as well as feel what was gonna happen next , Charlie's murderous mouth descended on my neck and he proceeded to suck on it so hard it felt like I was being mauled by a bear , his teeth made an appearence and I was so sure my neck was gonna burst open and that's how I'd die – from blood loss . With one last bite he jerked me around so that I was facing him and forced my eyes open so that I could see what he would do next .

I was absolutely shocked and paralysed with fear when I saw him unbucle his pants and slide the belt out – a fresh delivery of tears flooded my eyes . "No , oh God no , please no!" I screamed , my voice hoarse and broken – the lump in my throat tripling in size . "Anything but that!", bu he just grinned and took hold of my long brown locks again , seizing the zipper of my pants and ripping it clean off ; then pulling them down to my knees and treating my underwear in the same way . "No , dad , No! p-please! I'm sorry – so sorry! I-I'll never rebel again!" I testified "You should've thought of that before , my dearest Bella . Now you know I hate to do this , but naughty girls have to be punished . Now kneel down and strip – take it off , take everything off ." I complied , with snot running down and over my mouth and tears blinding my vision . "Lie down on your back!" , he instructed and kicked my knees from underneath me , holding the belt in both his hands in a menacing , prison guard like manner . I flinched as my naked flesh made conatct with the positively icy floor . A twinkle entered his eyes and he stood in front of me ,as excited as ever. He Chuckled one more time an started my punishment .

Slap , resonated the sound of the leather strip of my father's belt on my nether region and I convulsed in pain , unable to keep the shrieks inside . It just hurt so much . Like acid being poured , or rather thrown at a speed of 100mph on your most sensitive parts .

And again the belt whistled as it flew through the air and smacked me , and again I almost lost my mind through the pain . It continued for about ten minutes . Ten minutes of the worst blinding pain I've ever felt , ten minutes of begging and offering lewd things in return for salvation from the pain , ten minutes of insanity .

And for my father ; ten minutes of fun .

After my lashes were up my private area was a bulging , red swollen mess . My father was too experience in the arts of sadism in order to break the skin but already there were purple bruises springing up .

The last thing I remembered from that night was the coolness of the tiled floor , welcome in that moment of fiery pain,. And Charlie's voice as he kneeled down next to me after the ordeal with his manhood stiff and unconcealed in his pants-less state . I remember being bent over the kitchen counter and the sensation of intrusion .

But most importantly of all, I remember the feeling of dying but not being dead ; I remember the sensation of falling in a pit so deep there was no way out ; and then a pair of amber eyes , so deep they were like two identical pools of honey – invitingly warm and sweet , promising reprieve and peace appeared in my mind .

I don't know why _he_ entered my trail of though , it's not something I spent time speculating on . All I know is that I'm glad he did , because something in that vision, the vision of _him_ gave me the hope and courage I so desperately needed to break free of the bonds that chained me to Forks .

_He _was my epiphany .

Now I just need to figure out who the fuck _he is_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **

**This note's just to say that this chapter's a flashback chapter as erm... the 2 days ago bit implies =_= ... I guess this message's meant for the slow people out there ... no offence intended . I appreciate all reviews by the way , and if you like the fic please let me know so that I know if I should continue writing the story or not . **

**Much love and happy reading to all **

**- Wynter666 . **

_2 days ago :_

_I guided my shopping cart in and out of aisles , trudging in a maze of tinned soups , boxed cereals and questionable 2 dollar microwavable hot dogs . The smell of industrial bleach wafting from a nearby emplyee's cleaning bucket combined with the warm , buttery scent of freshly popped popcorn which originated in the self-help candy section made me feel at peace. Just the whole idea of grocery shopping seemed so normal , so very ordinary that for a moment I could believe that life doesn't get more complicated than this – soup cans and popcorn. For a moment I could pretend. _

_The local supermarket is my little haven , my sanctuary . _

_I was just investigating what my sanctuary was offering in the fresh meats department when destiny decided to have a little fun of its own. _

"_Didn't you hear about the swine flu epidemic?" enquired the mysterious stranger as he eyeballed the extra thin bacon I was just after disposing in my cart. I was gonna reply with a snarky quip about how in that case he should go visit the local veterinary institution for screening. I'm not exactly what you'd call outgoing but I was never shy per se , and yet all intelligent thought left my mind as soon as my eyes met his and a red hot flame descended upon my face , mostly cheeks and forehead to be more exact. I couldn't help but be awed by him. Not to be gooey and melodramatic but he depicted exactly what I imagined angels to look like . With his warm , amber eyes that seemed to smolther with dark secrets I so desperately wanted to know and his enigmatically dark and luscious hair , ever so tussled and looking as if Michaelangelo himself rose from the dead to style this heavenly creature's hair . All of a sudden my legs liquified and the only thing keeping me from falling flat on my betroot like face was the shopping cart which I was leaning against when stranger over there decided to chat me up. The left corner of his plump mouth quirked up in an amused sorta smile , as if he could tell what I was thinking and feeling just by analysing my face. And I don't know why , but this prediction sorta ticked me off . So with half-hearted venom in my words I replied ; "Yes , but you do seem like an expert on the subject of obnoxious pig produce , why don't you educate me?" . Judging by his expression this was not what he was expecting me to reply with - and I couldn't help but nurse a jolt of pride at catching him off guard. He recovered from the shock quickly. "Why of course , I serve the underprivileged with great gusto" , he shot back , softening the insult with a charming smile that could bring dead people back to life . "Here's my card" , he added while handing me a jagged , hastily ripped off piece of paper with a phone number scribbled on it . I made no move to take it , flabbergasted and unsure whether he was being serious . Why would such a handsome and well off (judging by his designer clothes) guy want any form of contact with me? My hesitation seemed to amuse him even further so he picked up my right hand off of the cart's hand hold and placed the small , insignificant piece of information in it ; going so far as to curl my figers over it with his own strong , well muscled bear claw. _

_I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted that he thinks he can put his moves on me , but there was something about him that made me want to know him. _

"_And who do I ask for?" , "Emmett – Emmett Cullen" . "Well , mr. Cullen , what do classes include?" I asked , trying to suppress a smile . " Oh you know , just your everyday lessons in pork behaviour – dinner , candles , maybe some music... a bathtub big enough for two.." . I bit my bottom lip and pulled gently on it , my eyes trained on the floor as if suddenly quadrilateral linoleum patterns were life's greatest mystery , a fresh blush highlighting my already rosy face at the mental image forming in my head? _

_He cleared his throat to bring my attention back up front , and when my eyes scrutinized his face once more I was greeted with that I-know-something-youd-don't smile again . Like he could read my thoughts and know me better than I know myself. The possibility made my heart race with excitement and my mouth turn up in a mischevous grin. _

"_So how about it?" , he asked and I replied "...how about we get to know eachother a little bit more on the way to the check out counter ?" . He grinned , taking my shopping cart form underneath me and chuckling at my stumbling reaction. I hid my smile . _

"_So how come I haven't seen you around the school? Are you not from around here?" I asked as Emmett carried my shopping back to my little red chevy which was eagerly awaiting her mistress' return , taking a well deserved break in the nearby car park. "Erm..." he begun , squinting upwards at the sky eventhough no single ray of sunshine was penetrating the cotton-candly like blanket of clouds. Welcome to Washington . "It's complicated , I've sort of just moved back with my family , I guess you could say ..." he trailed off in the middle of the sentence and when my questioning look didn't fish out an explenation outta him I decided to pick at another thread . "What do you mean 'sorta moved back' ? Are you guys camping in tents or something?" . I wanted to kick myself when I've realised what I've just said ; camping in tents? But to my immediate surprise he let out a guffaw of laughter and shook his head , looking far off into the distance at something that wasn't viseble to my , different eyes. "No", he looked at me from under his eyelashes , causing my heart to skip a beat and consequently making me look away ; taking great interest in the surrounding shruberry . "I'm just not sure whether we're staying is all" , a serious note entered his tone of voice "I guess – I guess this week's a sort of trial run , we'll see how it goes but we're still not unpacking just in case , y'know?" I nodded and looked back at the damp ground , yesterday's rainwater collected in concave pot holes , muddy and sickly looking. I could see my reflection in them and was saddened by how little difference there was in my reflection here and that at home , in the cracked bathroom mirror . I was still the same pale , hollow eyes girl . Maybe pretty to some but to me all beauty was gone , corrupted by filthy hands of adulthood , oppression and pain. _

_All of a sudden I felt guilty , guilty because this perfectly nice , funny if slightly erratic and sarcastic boy didn't know the truth about me . He talked to me like he'd talk to any other normal human being but I'm not normal . I'm broken , splitting at the seams and I'm giving him false hope by making him believe I'm just this ordinary , perfectly happy teenage girl who's worthy of his companionship. But I'm not ; I'm damaged and he could have so much better. _

_I'm not even good enough for a handsome stranger to talk to. As realisation entered my heart , a single taer escaped my eye ; but quickly I rubbed it away , seeing Emmett momentarily glance at me outta the corner of my eye. _

"_So here we are" , I said as we reached the rust dusted hood of my decapitated pride and joy. You can just put those in the passanger seat" I instructed Emmett when I saw him looking puzzled , covered in my groceries. He cringed as the car door creaked open and showered the ground with ginger flakes and I half smiled at how awkward he looked. _

"_Well that was some hard labour" he said as he emerged outta the car , grocery free , theathratically dusting his hands off one another. "I'll be expecting payment soon" , he added while meanigfully eyeing the piece of paper , still crumpled up in my hand. _

_I shrugged my shoulders , not sure about anything at the moment and opened the driver's door , about to get in and say goodbye only to be stunned into silence by Emmett's horrified expression when I turned around to face him. _

_He was looking up at the sky , at a patch of clouds a few kilometres away where beams of sunshine were streaming through . "But Alice said..." he whispered quietly , almost inaudibly to himself. _

_I didn't have time to ask who 'Alice' was because the next thing I knew Emmett was hurriedly telling me goodbye , not even stopping to let me answer before darting off like a deer during open season. _

_In a haze of confusion and bewilderment, I was still looking his way when all of a sudden he turned around and looking as if he's just realised something vital he shouted back at me "Wait- I didn't even catch your name!" , I laughed and yelled back over my huge smile " it's Bella! Bella Swan" . He smiled too , a dazzingly breath taking array of teeth and glamour , and though I was too far away to hear it I was sure he whispered "Bella" once again , quietly to himself. _

_As I was leaving a bright patch of glitter like light caught my attention but in the fast moving car the image was blurred and inconsistent , probably a figment of my over active imagination and soon musings over mysterious glittering patches of forestry were lost in an ever deepening pool of wanderings and despair over what might be waiting for me at home . _

_Over what home is , and of what it's never going to be again. _


End file.
